What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Now is the time for all men to come to the aid of their country."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Hi, welcome to McDonald's."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I am but one soldier in a holy war."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I think I'm in love."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"The facts of mathematics are verified and presented by the axiomatic method."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Maybe you've never seen a wildcat or a weasel."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I think Bill is a serial killer, maybe."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Oh no . . . not ANOTHER breathalyzer . . ."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Pissing in the bath is disgusting."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I just ran over a family of rats."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Look, a dead bird."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Which way is the border?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"MY SHOELACES, AAAUUGH!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Let me pour forth my tears."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You have had the audacity to take on human form and you are delighted."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Kids say the darndest things!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I don't make deals."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"If you shave a monkey, she looks just like a human."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"In the northern darkness there is a fish."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Severe constipation can kill an elephant."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I stepped in a bear trap."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Where did Mom go this afternoon?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I've never had champagne before!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"What is a pencil?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm comfortable with who I am."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Boy, would I really like to hurt someone."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm feeling a lot of anxiety."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"We're number one."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Remove the penis."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Oh by the way did you guys watch on FOX the other night that fantastic porno sci-fi flick..."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"What crime have I committed against heaven?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Don't you think Flanders is a big jerk?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Mathematicians have developed habits of communication that are often dysfunctional."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I believe in non-violence."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I had an experience in 1976 with a very short green being."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"No soup for you, Sammy Sosa."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HHHHHHhhhhhhhhhh.....goooodddddd.....oohhhhhh...."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"We should be grateful."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I choose to smoke."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"This is earth."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm in good health."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Let's go on the bus together."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Wanna play house?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"The current system of education produces an army of robots rather than an army of thinkers."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"The earth is certainly vast and broad, though a man uses no more of it than the area he puts his feet on."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I've got to get your phone number."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"To use a horse to show that a horse is not a horse is not as good as using a non-horse to show that a horse is not a horse."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I think the cops are here."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You know, I'd rather eat a sandwich."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I shot myself with a gun and then sued the gun company."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"The most cost-effective medication is the one that works best for the patient."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I've forgotten benevolence and righteousness!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Once upon a time there was a smoldering Scorpio who pined obsessively for the object of his desire."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"There's something special about specialists . . ."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I want you to meet my parents."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Jack, you sure do carry a lot of marijuana for personal use."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I was playing outside with my brother and three friends in the front yard of my folks, when we saw three silver disc-shaped objects flying over the house."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Umm are nuns allowed to have sex???"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Would you like to hear a lecture on the dead?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I will start by giving you a short explanation of petroleum geology."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Would you like a piece of cheese?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"We make a great team."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Soon the wait will be over."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Some bastard stole the front wheel of my bicycle."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"The small child stood there happily sniffing a handful of flowers–all the roses from my garden."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I won!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Bouillabaisse!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Two souls, alas, dwell in my breast, and each seeks to rule without the other."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Blueberries as big as quarters!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Seeing you makes my inner labia moist with love lava."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"The mayor is well thought of."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Uncle Ike, a doctor, smoked too much even though he continued to warn his patients not to smoke."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Matt always orders anchovy pizza."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Colon cancer kills 56,300 Americans a year."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Love can be magical, but it doesn't happen on its own."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"In 1997, biologists discovered more than 16,000 minute species in caves in Spain."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Chalk one up on the BM chart."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Did I tell you I'm moving out?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I am mother nature."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Gentlemen prefer blondes."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"My 27-year-old daughter recently got engaged to a great guy from Cleveland."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Your life has a limit but knowledge has none."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You know what happened to the Romans?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"That's no infant."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"There are five basic forces at work in the internet tax question."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Virtue is the establishment of perfect harmony."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"It's regrettable that an anniversary of national anguish has been commandeered by the Clinton-Gore administration and many in the national media to advance their political agenda."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"There is no evidence of anything sexual."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I received life because the time had come; I will lose it because the order of things passes on."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I will now explain what I think is a reasonable scenario."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Hey there people, I'm Bobby Brown."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm no good at math."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"The only animals in this house are cats."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Answer me or I'll have you debrained!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Do you have any children?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"In 1918, the Bureau of Reclamation submitted a report."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"We're getting farther and farther away from France."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Is this a type of criminal action?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Green is the color of hope."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"We'll inflict severe punishment when we have more leisure."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"How did you become familiar with this reputation of ours in the community?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"The creature may not be dead yet."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You have heard of the knowledge that knows, but you have never heard of the knowledge that does not know."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Well, I don't run the biology department."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"American folklore has created a number of important national heroes, among them Abraham Lincoln."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm so hungry."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Nostalgia really sucks."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Hi ho Silver!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I don't think this picture was taken from the rear bedroom window."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Oh, its so late, we should be getting home."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"The Catholic Church went to hell about three or four centuries ago."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You know this doesn't mean I love you."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Our loving hearts and warm happy family await your newborn."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Why Martha . . . your Sunday chapel dress!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Are the Miranda warnings required by the Constitution, or are they merely safeguards?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"What the hell do you mean screaming up the stairs at me like that?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"It is easy to cheat when you work for men, but hard to cheat when you work for heaven."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"A cocoon-shaped shell of galaxies about 650 million light-years across is the largest structure found in the Universe to date."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Bing-bing-bong-BOOM!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"There are six stages along the mystic path."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"There you are, my pet."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I saw some pigs nursing at the body of their dead mother."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm a doctor of the soul."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"GOOD GRIEF–IT'S DADDY!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I been to three county fairs and a goat-fuckin' and I ain't never seen the like of that."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Why, you small-time, chiseling bastard, you."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Please give this a chance."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Is there such a thing as supreme happiness in the world or isn't there?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I think you've got the wrong person here."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Holy frigging God, what ecstacy!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Nothing is more dangerous than an accomplice."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I much prefer you to a man!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"In March 1998, scientists at Tsukuba and Tokyo universities created insect robots by fusing the antennae of silkmoths with wheeled robots containing electronic ‘brains.'"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Who ARE you guys?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"One must have principles in matters of love."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"One ball, one strike."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You're not human."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You little bastard."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Look, you're a professional."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I truly believe that you have the... true insight, the true wisdom, the true feeling, and I believe you know my great need of you!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"My cholesterol is very high."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"What's your name, pal?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Here comes Roger Maris."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I don't think I'll ever understand your family."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Nngghh! Gaah!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"This pencil is five inches long."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"We all live like cockroaches in the crevices of our twisted imagination."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I hope my reputation will be founded upon my new deeds."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Come here, little one, I'd whip thee a bit."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You want a night's lodging?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"ARE ALIENS GREEN?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You have acted nobly."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Why did you do that to my poor little boy?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Run or you'll be shot!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I can't see."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Shall I fix us some coffee?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"This is very interesting."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I want to make an inquiry if I might."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You will call me, won't you?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I want to give myself to you."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Well, I can't condone thievery."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Cleveland is so much like Buffalo."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm the receptionist at the VD clinic."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Mmmph."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"So, anyway, here we are, and I don't know how to proceed from here, frankly."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Would you like to get together Saturday night?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"More and more residences appear to be developed more for automobiles than their human occupants."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I won't learn from you!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"There's a rumor someone drowned in the sewer."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"It is not the season for love."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"My great-grandfather is the man in the photograph."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"This isn't science as far as I'm concerned."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"All former customers are welcome."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I feel a little low, you know what I mean?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I want to teach botany."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I can't entirely hide my passion from you."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Take me to the nurse."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm not a demon; I'm possessed by a demon."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Is America's willingness to use force against Iraq just a continuation of previous policies?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"From the point of view of function, if we regard a thing as useful because there is a certain usefulness to it, then among all the ten thousand things there are none that are not useful."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Man who drop watch in toilet have shitty time."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You like to do drugs?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm going to kill you."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"To have the leader of the free world be persecuted in a public arena does nothing for the country."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I went to my family doctor first and he suggested I see you."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I am heartbroken."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"This is not a crime."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Whoa, am I dead?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm a little nervous, would you mind if I took off my shoes?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I have garlic if you want to borrow some."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Biotechnology is reshaping space."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"In a revolution, many things must be done."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I know that bad things happen to good people."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Basketball has given me every single thing in my life -- everything."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Why don't we make another appointment next week?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"You can't have the police knocking on the door at three o'clock in the morning, taking sixteen and seventeen-year-old girls to camps outside of town without laying the basis for assassination."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Welcome to my house."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"It just sucks getting old."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Don't underestimate AT&T."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Please leave me alone."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"The Statue of Liberty is an awe-inspiring national monument, symbolizing how America opened its arms to European immigrants."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I am not your lawyer."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I am your father."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm not a doctor."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm a national treasure."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Ted left a couple of hours ago."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"It's late here and I got a big golf game tomorrow."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I have plenty of psychological debates with myself about the entities: are they really separate, are they aspects of me under the archetypal "other guy" image, are they aliens or ascended masters or... but really, I guess it doesn't matter."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"With two guns I could control that bay."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Oh, you've been to France?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I can't see the picnic tables."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I hear you snoring."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I've got a love for you that can only be cleaned up with a mop and bucket."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm so glad I'm not wearing my glasses."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I live in a city similar to other cities in the world."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"In many spider species the maternal relationship ends when the eggs are laid, and the mother never sees her young."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Everything is disposable, including people."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I have a fork in my hand."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Two thousand years ago, a crew of members of the Kingdom of Heaven who are responsible for nurturing ‘gardens,' determined that a percentage of the human ‘plants' of the present civilization of this Garden (Earth) had developed enough that some of those bodies might be ready to be used as ‘containers' for soul deposits."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm not offering any credentials at this time."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"World reserves of uranium are more that adequate to satisfy reactor requirements to well beyond 2020."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"This appears to be a result of my violent criminal history."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"We can engage in a struggle for a better future."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"This is small potatoes."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Two thumbs up!"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"This just does not hold water."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I have redeeming qualities."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I have an interest in animals."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I have an idea about Sri Lanka."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Your hair's gotten so light."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Bob is touching me."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I have been married to a wonderful man for twenty-three years."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Napoleon Bonaparte's penis was removed at autopsy by a team of French and Belgium doctors and first put up for auction at Christie's in 1972."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Batter my heart, three-personed God."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Peyote rhymes with ‘Hey Jodie.'"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Punish me, baby."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Thank you all for coming."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"How many more children must this happen to before somebody chooses to do something about it?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"What do light blue and dark blue have in common?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I am not an athlete anymore."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Prepare your neural pathways for transmutation."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I want a victim."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"One of the things that interests me at this particular moment is seahorses."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"There's no known antidote for the Sudanese red spitting cobra."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I am looking at the garden of earthly delights."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"When I came to I was in the hands of silent, unnameable surgeons."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"When the public finally realizes that they face a future of perpetual economic stagnation and decay due to the end of cheap oil, what's to prevent nuclear energy proponents from convincing them that nuclear energy promises the means of rescuing them from that fate?"

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"Horse and oxen have four feet."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"I'm here to fix the swimming pool."

What did the blonde say when she opened a box of Cheerios?
"From now on it will be possible to talk to you about the Great Principle."

Mark Peters author page

April 2000